Why couldn't you see me?

Why couldn’t you see me 

For who I was? 

For who I was trying to be? 

For the me I was offering 

The me that was yours 

The me who stood before you 

Naked 

Bare 

Utterly vulnerable 

Hoping to be held 

And shown safety 

Shown care 

Accepted 

Warts and all 

Mistakes and all. 

Why couldn’t you see me 

When my world stood still 

When the earth 

Rotation stopped 

And the life 

Of every being 

Paused 

And held its breath 

For you to take 

Just a single step my way 

To turn your beautiful face 

And see me 

Acknowledge my existence 

As my tentative 

Shaking hands 

Were held out 

Waiting for your touch. 

The touch 

A touch 

That didn’t come. 

The world 

Began to spin again 

The breath of all released 

Yet my soul remained frozen 

Shocked 

In despair 

Screaming 

In the echoing vacuum 

In my chest.

Why can’t you see me? 

Why won’t you see me? 

Why are you turning away? 

And so 

The world 

My world 

Shrank 

Colour drained 

Volume reduced 

And I was left 

Standing 

Alone 

Confused 

Questioning all 

Foundations collapsed 

Amidst the rubble of what was 

Still at a loss 

Asking myself

Why couldn’t you see me? 

Why wasn’t I enough 

In that moment 

The moment of all moments 

Why did I not pass the test? 

What more could I have done? 

How could I have been more open? 

More worthy? 

More enough? 

Why? 

Why didn’t you see me? 

For now I am too diminished 

Too small 

Too insignificant 

In the world 

To be seen 

Valueless 

Undefined 

Not now 

Wanting to be seen by anyone 

And therein 

Lies safety 

If I can’t be seen 

I can’t be spurned 

Can’t be unseen. 

Why wouldn’t you see me?